Vampires Will Never Hurt You
by FracturedLittleWishes
Summary: There's friends and then there's just plain creepy. Valkyrie discovers that, like most things in her life, things are just plain creepy. Rated T for later themes.  Have just realised there is already a story with this title, no copying intended :/
1. Chapter 1

**_Thought I'd start another story, coz I'm not stressed enough XD It's kindda mushy FLETCHERIE stuff for a few chapters but it should get better. Enjoy! ..._**

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Valkyrie was making toast in the kitchen when she heard the noise. She was in her pyjamas her dark hair tied on the top of her head in a scruffy bun. She'd literally just woken up, and was just about to eat something when she heard it.

Then she saw it.

From where she was standing, she could see the front door and watched as a big parcel fell through the letter box, landing on the floor with a soft _thump_.  
Excited, she stuffed a piece of toast into her mouth at once, wiped away the crumbs, and walked over to the door, her slipped feet stumbling over that loose floor boar.  
Hissing in pain she bent over to pick up the parcel.

It was thick and covered in light brown paper, fastened at one side.  
Turning it over she saw her own name scrawled beautifully on the top, but nothing else. She frowned, reached to open it and jumped at the sound of the kettle whistling.  
Her stomach grumbled and she went to eat, leaving the parcel on the side.

She was just settling down in front of the TV with her breakfast when the phone rang. She sighed, and went to answer it. It was Fletcher.

"Hiya babe." He all but sang down the phone.

"How is it that you always know when I'm just getting comfortable so that you can ring my stupid fucking phone?"

"Jeez, Val. Seriously, I was only ringing to wish you a happy birthday for tomorrow. No need to bite my head off."

"It's my birthday?"

There was an awkward silence. "Yeah, Val. You're going to be 18! Congratulations! You are now officially an adult! You can have sex, drink, drive do whatever you want. And officially you'll own your Uncle's house, so it'll be yours! Pretty cool hu?"

"First off I've drunk since I was 16, drove even sooner and lived in Gordon's house for the past year."

"Yeah, but it'll be official!"

She smiled. "Coz that seems to mean a lot to us." She hoped he hadn't realised that she hadn't brought up the S word. Sure she'd like to do it, but she wasn't ready. Not yet. But if he had noticed he didn't let on, and for that she was thankful.

"I'm guessing you'll want to do something with me then?"

"Well yeah! I want to get absolutely smashed! You've got today and tomorrow off so I thought you'd like to spend it with the most amazing person in your whole life, me!"

She felt a smart retort disappear in her throat and instead she said, "Yeah. I'd love to do that. Come over to Gordon's about 10?"

She could almost feel the happiness in his voice; it made her feel all warm. "Really? I thought you'd say something about my hair. So I thought a club somewhere? Or something fancy! Like Moulin Rouge? Something big! I could look up hotels in Paris? New York? I really fancy Venice for some reason…"

He trailed off when she didn't reply. "If that's what you want I mean. Sorry, what do you want to do Val?"

"Erm," she shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. She tried to hide the hesitation in her voice. "Venice sounds great. Don't they have a festival or something around now? But I mean, we don't have to get drunk we could just…wait no your idea sounds the best."

He laughed. "I'll come around 10. You get all pampered darling and I'll bring the movies and popcorn. And hey, if you're lucky I might even stretch to a pizza. I'll stay over and all tomorrow we'll go for a nice lunch or whatever and do basically everything you want to do. A real low-key, quiet, no singing no dancing birthday. How does that sound?"

She grinned. "That sounds beyond awesome."

"Great I'll see you then. Oh and one more demand."

"What?"

"You do nothing all today and tomorrow. No cases, no evil psychopaths, no evil Gods trying to destroy the world, no evil spirits or friends getting pulled through to other dimensions, ok? Do you think you can handle that? 48 hours of us, no weird stuff, just us. Ok?"

"I think I can manage that."

"Good. Bye, love you."

"Bye. Love you too."

She waited till he hung up and said "You have no idea how much."

Smiling she put the phone back on his hook and said "No weird stuff, just us. Thank god."

She poured her now freezing tea down the sink and walked out the hall, tripping on the loose floorboard and swearing loudly to the empty house. She rubbed her toe and walked through the hall and up the stairs, past the side table that held the other phone, past the side table that held the brown parcel.

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**_Hope that wasn't too painfully bad. Please R&R it would be great to know what you people really think. Are there any stories people particularly want me to update? Or whatever XD Byeee xxx_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Shorter than most and a bit boring but as all stories the begining starts off a little slow. _**

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Fletcher stood frowning at the glass in the shop. He was concentrating so hard and standing so close to the cabinet that his breath was visible and steaming up the clear glass.

The shop was very posh almost deserted were it not for the one couple over by the gold section who were arguing a bit too loud in the quietness of the shop, and about 6 female store workers, all dressed in matching uniforms, and matching orange faces and an unbelievable amount of flashy jewels on their spray tanned fingers.

If he'd been noticing, or given a damn, he would have seen them all staring intently at the young boy with the crazy hair, skinny-ish jeans, slouchy t-shirt and converse, waiting for him to either pull out a gun and demand their money or ask where the skateboards were.

But he wasn't lost or about to commit a crime, he was looking for the perfect gift for his girlfriend who he would be celebrating her 18th birthday with all tonight and tomorrow. It made him happy to think it. He had it all planned out: he'd arrive at her house dressed smartly, but casual. She'd be there, dressed as Valkyrie (but not in work clothes, for once) maybe some jeans and a band shirt with almost definitely her slippers on. Dark hair all framing that wonderful face that he just wanted to hold and look at constantly. They'd watch a film, a funny one so he could see her laugh, then food, he'd stock up on popcorn, then when it got late she'd get tired and snuggle into him and they'd watch a horror movie where she'd get afraid and he'd hug her and promise to keep her safe and that nothing will hurt her while he's around. Then he'd tell her how much she meant to him and ask her to – maybe.

Then they'd go upstairs he'd put her to bed then go to leave, but she'd ask him to stay because she was still scared. So he would and he'd fall in bead next to her and then they'd – maybe.

He was jumped out of his little dream world by a particularly orange woman tapping him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," she whined in a nasally voice.

Valkyrie has a nice voice, he found himself thinking.

"But are you going to buy something?" She glared at him with green eyes.

Valkyrie has nice eyes, he thought.

"Erm, yes sorry. I'm looking for something for my girlfriend. It's her 18th and I thought I should get her something special. But I'm not sure yet…" He trailed off she was looking at him happily, a huge grin spread across her too red lips.

"Aww, young love is it? Well then let's have a look." Fletcher sighed, as she beckoned him over to the diamonds and silver. This, he thought, is going to be expensive.


	3. Chapter 3

**_God, I actually don't really like this chapter but I feel like I need to do something! I'm going mad seeing tabliture and chords! I needed to write something, so yes this is the result of worrying about more English and Maths tests (I got full marks on my last English one 40/40! So fucking happy it's retarded! I am bragging to you coz my friends are sick of it :P) and not being able to sleep. So enjoy 1,166 words of me half asleep at around midnight XD_**

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"Yes Mum, I'll be there. No Mum. Yes Mum. Yes Mum. Yes Mum, he'll probably be coming. Yes he's coming here. No Mum. MUM! It's not like that yet just-ˮ

She stopped after hearing the knock at the door, probably Fletcher. Balancing the phone on her shoulder she moved to open the door. She'd just finished getting ready when her mother rang about meeting up tomorrow.

"Look Mum, I've got to go. See you tomorrow, love you bye. Bye." She put the phone down, and opened the door. Fletcher stood in the doorway looking rather sheepish but cute in black jeans, dark shirt and tie. His hair was just as big as usual but it wasn't so annoying anymore, and his pale skin was turning slightly redder. In his hand he had a single red rose with a black velvet ribbon tied around it.

"Wow, a tie Fletch? Really? I didn't know we were dressing up…" but she stopped when he reached forward, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

"It's fine, I feel a bit stupid in a tie anyway."

"Where did you even get a tie?"

"It's my Dad's."

"Cool."

"Really?"

"No, sorry."

He smiled again, "I walked right into that insult didn't I?"

"Yeah, you're making this way too easy for me."

"Good."

"Do you want to go sit down?"

"Yeah I think I do." He followed her into the living room, and whistled at the size of the TV. It was huge, big black flat screen thing with surround sound, HD all the new stuff. A real boy's toy, as such Valkyrie hated it, it had been in the original house in the back room where Gordon lived away from the grandeur of the main section of the house.

"This way it doesn't spoil the illusion on my gothic vampire mansion," he'd winked at her when he'd first gotten it.

Fletcher put the rose down on the coffee table and walked over to it. "My baby, man I've missed you," he was cooing as he hugged it.

"Why don't you just marry the fucking thing and have done with it."

"Ooh, someone's jealous. Worried your incredibly hot boyfriend's going to run off with you telly?"

"No, but answer me honestly did you come round to see me or Samsung?" She looked at him from the sofa, pouting just a little bit.

He made his eyes wander over to the TV on the wall, "Well….."

She threw a cushion at him. "Fuck off tie boy."

"Sorry pretty girl, you obviously."

He came and sat down next to her, moving a stray strand of hair that had fallen over her face. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him lightly. He smiled at her.

"So have you gotten me a present?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Of course."

"Can I open it?"

"How about later? I brought a film"

"What film?"

He looked at her funny. "Any film! I'm a teleporter. I can get you anything your very heart desires!"

"A pony?"

"No."

"That's OK. I'm not really a pony girl anyways."

"Good. So I'll be back just wait there one second."

Valkyrie saw him blow a kiss at her before disappearing into thin air. She smiled and sat on the sofa not really sure of what to do.

Feeling awkward just sat there, she walked over to the window.

It was getting dark outside but there was just enough light to make out the trees that towered over the falling down brick wall of her back garden.

The wall was a basic structure of stones that Gordon had tried to build himself in an effort to upstage her father when he boasted about his business. "Well any fool could make something with the right equipment." He'd grumbled.

So the next day her father turned up at his house with everything he'd need to make a wall.

She could remember her father's face when Gordon came up to him begging him to stop the torture of hard work, from that day he promised to never engage in any type of physical labour than reaching for a new packet of crisps.

As such the garden wall he'd been building was left unfinished, making a quaint little pathway for anyone who wished to, to walk from the garden to the woods, or anyone to come the other way. Valkyrie smiled faintly at the memory, that's one thing she loved about Gordon's house, the memories. The two of them playing out her favourite parts from his books, the magical doorway, the private looks, half smiles and winks he'd always send her way.

She was jumped out of her daydream by a flash of black by the gap in that wall. She jumped, alert. Someone was there, she could feel it.

Her dark eyes searched the evening gloom, seeing nothing. Then again out the corner of her eyes she watched a handful bricks fall loose and tumbled to the grass, making a clattering noise. She tried her best to keep her breathing steady, telling herself it was nothing. She looked again, harder, was that a shadow?

"Hey."

She screamed and lashed out at the person holding her arm.

"Ow shit Val! What was that for?" She turned and saw Fletcher holding his stomach, folded over.

"Oh crap. Sorry. You just scared me."

"Well I feel sorry for the next person who does," he scrunched up his face and took three deep breaths before standing up and looking at her. "Jeez that hurt. What were you looking at anyway?" He came to join her looking out the window.

"See there? Over by the gap in the wall?" He nodded. "I saw something."

He looked sceptical, "You sure? It's dark, could just be the light."

"No there was something there, I'm sure of it."

"Well it was probably just an animal or something."

"It knocked some of the wall down!"

"A really strong animal? I don't know Val. Look whatever it was, it's gone now if it ever even was there. What would it be anyway? We're fine, no one knows where you live, I'm here and no one's going to attack you. I won't let it happen, promise." He turned her face to look at him; he saw it still clouded with doubt. He sighed, "Look if you're still worried, I'll go out and check it for you and we can call Skulduggery to some over."

She thought for a moment. "No it's our night, no weirdness, no creepy stuff, that's my promise. You're right it's probably just nothing." She swallowed the feeling of fear that threatened to creep onto her face and plastered on a smile. "So what film did you get?"

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**_Don't forget to R&R. It's boring I get it. Also this will turn out to be about Caelan too so it's not like the other story with this name (which is really good so go and check it out!) Also check out Adrasdos Dark's Fletcherie/Valduggery Way story. It's cool and she's using my character, Chelsea Smile, so yeah read it, it's cool :)_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_OK, here's the next little bit of this one. Next I'm thinking will be the "A Game In The Maze" story I'm doing with Jade Midnight (I should have done that a while ago now but this has been on my computer for a while without me realising it) and then mabe a bit more of "I Wanna Play A Game". Then, here's where I need your help, should I work more on "Circus de Decés (or whatever)" or should I start a new story? So tell me in the comments or PM. Whatever, just so long as you help me. _**

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"Wow." Valkyrie and Fletcher sat on her sofa watching the credits role slowly up the huge TV to dramatic music. The two of them sat there stunned just staring at the screen, not quite believing what they'd just witnessed. Finally, after they'd sat looking blankly at a black screen for a few moments cleared her throat to speak.

"Well, that sucked." They'd just watched 'The Blair Witch Project', and they were now scarred for life. "No but that really sucked."

"Sorry, my Dad said it was one of the best horror films ever."

"He was wrong."

"I know. The voodoo things were kindda cool though."

"No," Valkyrie remembered her own dream whisperer that Cassandra Pharos had given her, the one that told her her future. As such, she didn't like them much. "No they weren't"

He gave her a funny look, not really understanding what she meant. She'd not told him about her dream or the whole Darquesse business, if he didn't know about it she could feel just a bit more normal. "Ok, what do you want to watch now then?"

"Erm, Life of Brian?"

"Yeah that's funny."

This time when the credits started rolling the two of them were laughing so hard.

"Oh man, Monty Python, seriously, they make me proud to be British." Fletcher said once they'd calmed down.

"Yup, but one of them is American."

"Oh yeah, he's my favourite."

"Really, mine's Michael Palin."

"Why?"

"He's just generally the coolest."

"No John Cleese is the best."

"No, and I though you're favourite was Terry Gilliam?"

"That was so 5 seconds ago." He put on a lisp and with it did the little camp hand motion. She laughed.

"Palin is still the best."

"Cleese."

"Palin!"

"Cleese! At least he did something after Monty Python. Faulty Towers was epic."

She had admit to that. "True, true. But Michael did Ripping Yarns which was so funny."

"There is only one way to settle this affair-ˮ

"If you would shed your yellow take my hand!" She sang tunelessly.

"-is with a tickle fight to the death!" Then he lunged at her and she shrieked as he began tickling her.

* * *

He was right next to the window. Looking in.

If either one of them looked in his direction, they would see him in an instance, so he had to be careful.

The boy was on her, the teleporter. He hated that, how he could just be so close to her, and not have to be careful. Not have to use every once of his strength to not just go for her throat and rip her to shreds.

But for that he was thankful, that she could be safe with him.

But soon she could be safe with _him_, permanently.

Kenspeckle's mixture only worked so long as he remembered to take it, but he'd found a way to change all that, it was all quite obvious really.

But for now he would make do with this, these precious stolen memories of her that would stay with him forever.

But he wanted to be known. She must have got his gift by now.

He raised an old Polaroid camera and pressed the button. It flashed brightly, brighter than he'd expected, he ducked down behind the window ledge his superior reflexes not letting him down, as usual. He waited a moment before taking a tentative glance.

They hadn't even looked up, too busy doing…well stuff that made him want to run in there and rip out Fletcher's throat, but Valkyrie wouldn't like that.

He almost laughed at how easy it was to get this close to her. She'd always thought how good a job she did of keeping her family from all of this.

She was wrong.

He'd been to her house so many times, watching the reflection casually living out Valkyrie's life for her, looking in through the window as her little sister began to grow, listening in on her parent's conversations and gazing in on the rare occasions that she would turn up and stay with them.

He held up his old camera again and took another photo, and another.

It was his new hobby, photography.

Something he did everyday, but they were very similar in the fact they all had one thing in common.

Her.

* * *

**_Getting a bit creepier now? I hope so. _**

**_IT HAS BEGUN! You've heard of the Valduggery/Fletchyrie wars but now its...the Palin/Cleese wars! Who's your favourite Python? Mine's Michael Palin :3 _**


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